Chapters

00:00 Navigating Retirement Relationships

02:58 The Impact of Social Connections on Retirement

05:50 Preparing for Retirement Conversations

Transcript

Hi everyone, I'm Ryan Earley, vested PERS member, former school finance officer, and host of the PERS Pro YouTube channel. If you are looking to retire within the next 12 months, are you ready for the sudden 24-7 exposure to the people you live with in quiet silence from the people you used to work with every day? Let's dive in.

In our last video, we discussed how finding your purpose is the engine that drives a successful retirement. Today, we're looking at the tracks that that engine runs on, your relationships. PERS members often focus on what their required financial nest egg is, but often ignore what their required social nest egg is. Research consistently shows that along with purpose, the quality of your social life is a great predictor of health and happiness in your retirement. Life satisfaction: Over 90 % of retirees who report being quite satisfied with life cite strong social and family ties as the primary reason. Health risks: Conversely, a lack of social connection carries an increased health risk equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, is linked to a 30% increased risk of stroke or coronary heart disease, and a 50% increased risk of dementia. The un-retirement trend: About 45% of retirees who return to the workforce do so for social or emotional reasons, not financial ones. So now, let's dive deeper into the most common relationships you'll encounter and navigate in retirement.

For most PERS members, your significant other is your primary relationship. But have you considered what happens when they become your new coworker and you go from seeing them for four hours a day to 14 hours a day? This transition can lead to what experts call gray divorce. Rising divorce rates: According to the National Institutes of Health, while divorce rates are falling for younger couples, they doubled for adults over age 50 between 1990 and 2010.

The retirement honeymoon trap: According to researchers at Cornell University, marital satisfaction often slumps immediately following retirement, especially if only one spouse retires while the other keeps working. Transition fight or flight: That same Cornell University study also found that couples fight significantly more during the becoming-retired transition phase than they did while working. You need to be on good ground with your significant other before you exit the workforce. Are you retiring because you want to spend more time with your spouse or are you retiring and hoping you'll figure it out how to be around them all day? If you can't survive a two week vacation together without bickering, 20 years of retirement together will be a challenge for the two of you and you have some work to do.

Many PERS members retire while still supporting children. Whether they are underage or in college, your quiet retirement might actually become a crowded house. The empty nest isn't as empty according to recent surveys. College grads at home: According to a 2025 Sallie Mae survey, 64% of college graduates who left school in the last two years currently live with their parents. Longer term trend: Even five years after graduation, 35% of young adults are still living at home or with relatives. Consider their schedule: If you have an adult child living at home year round, your freedom is still dictated by their needs and their guests. And even if you have an adult child living at home only parts of the year, you may still find it difficult to adjust your retirement schedule for those one to two months at a time to accommodate them. If your plan is to downsize your home or travel away from home, but your 21 year old is still in the bedroom down the hallway, your retirement reality will not match your retirement dream. Discuss these boundaries with your children before you file for PERS retirement.

Finally, let's talk about everyone else outside the home. When you retire, work friends, the people you've seen every day for 25 plus years remain at work. You need a plan for the work week void. Loneliness peak: Loneliness scores often peak one year after retirement as the initial excitement wears off and the isolation sets in. Close relationships: To maintain high levels of happiness, research suggests retirees need a minimum of three to four close relationships outside the home that they interact with regularly. Social interactions: Happy retirees typically have at least two to three meaningful social encounters per week whether that's a standing lunch date, a hobby group, or volunteering. If your only friends are work friends, you are at high risk for isolation. You need to identify people who are already retired or who have flexible schedules who can meet you during the work week. Then you need to fill your week with standing encounters with those friends you've identified.

If you are a PERS member who thinks they are ready to retire, here are your action items for today. The significant other conversation: Schedule a time to sit down with your significant other and map out what a typical week will look like when you are both home in retirement. What time do you get up? What time do you go to bed? Who does what chores? How often do you go out for lunch together? How often do you go out separately to deepen relationships with others? Where do you go for your alone time? If you can't agree on the weekly map, don't start the journey yet. Consult a licensed marriage and family therapist to assist if needed. College conversation: If you have children in or nearing college, have a direct talk about living arrangements. Are they expected to move out after graduation? Are they welcome home during long semester or summer breaks? If so, how long? What boundaries are you setting regarding guests, noise, use of common spaces, maybe even use of vehicles? Maybe even consider putting the expectations down in writing. Again, consult a licensed marriage and family therapist to assist if needed. The lunch date.: this week, try to schedule at least one lunch or coffee date with someone outside your home and that you don't work with. If you struggle to find someone to call or struggle to find someone who can accept your invitation, your social web needs strengthening before you are ready to retire.

Relationships are the safety net of a happy retirement. If that net has holes, now is the time to close them, not after you've already retired. In our next video, we'll move to the fifth and final major consideration when deciding when to retire, time. We'll look at the win from a life stage and life expectancy perspective. Please make sure you subscribe so you don't miss this and other videos in our new retirement series. If you found this video helpful, you can thank me by hitting the thumbs up button and sharing it with other PERS members. If you have a follow-up question about PERS or anything else related to personal finance, please visit our website at perspro.ms and submit your question or topic for a future episode. Thank you for your valuable public service to the state of Mississippi. We'll see you next time.

Disclaimer. This video is for educational and informational purposes only. Neither the host nor this YouTube channel are officially affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by the Public Employees Retirement System of Mississippi. Always consult a qualified professional for personal advice specific to your situation.